I am puke
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
