she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i need some magic done to my vagina
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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