remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
