never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
