I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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