i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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