worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
