I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
