my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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