No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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