Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
