I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
