call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
