Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
