I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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