I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
