my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You work out of a Hotel?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
