mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
