God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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