I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
handjob tips. give me some.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
