We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
