So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
