Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
