I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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