The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
