My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
