your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
