just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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