Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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