i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
