Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
