also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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