you traded sex for a burrito?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
