So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
