There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i think i just lost a toe
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
