Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
