I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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