I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
