I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
