Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
