Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
