why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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