I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
