She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
