He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
