we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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