If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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