my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
