for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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