Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
