You can't special order awesome
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
